4 Words

Lauryn Hill said it best: "CONSEQUENCE IS NO COINCIDENCE." And i will leave it at that. That one phrase suffices for everything and everyone around me right now. So some things are best said with as little words as possible.

Nervous Breakdown.....Maybe?

So now it's on to some more bullshit. Now my boyfriend is on this thing where he doesn't want to get rid of his best friend, Ebony. In February, on a night when he called the police on me because i tried to kill him, I told him that in order for me to even consider letting him be with me, he would have to change his phone number and cut off all connections with his ex, (the one who is now claiming to be pregnant), and his best friend,(whom he cheated on me with), and any and all other bitches that he may be dealing with. He changed his number, and cut off all connections with both of them for a week-until he gave his best friend his number again and they started hanging out-once again. And of course, for him to be honest and up-front about his dealing would be blasphemy right? So I, of course, have to be "Ms. Scandalous-Ass Private Investigator" to find out wht his lying ass is up to. Now, I have no problem with this because I love to be scandalous, and uncover some deep shit, but this is ridiculous! So of course, after I find out that his ex is claiming to be pregnant by him, I decided that me getting on his ass about his ex would make him so easy to tame, that I could also piggy-back my shit about his best friend on, so I did. But before I did, I did a little more undercover work. I checked all five of his e-mail accounts on the low, and lo and behold.......love poems sent from his "best friend" to him on March 28th, 2006!!! It's two of them in one and they are called "Frustrated" and "U Belong to Me." They go as follows:Stood Still…(Read slowly and try to understand)Love letters with my name on it I finally take the time to read/ How in the world I could be so blind in that distant space and time I’m trying to conceive/ when you were mine, when you were mine I took too long to realize/ So now everyday I hope and pray that I won’t ever be so blind/ I need to find a place in me that I buried to keep safe from your harm/ it’s taunting me now/ how I don’t have your love/ these letters, your naked words reveal your soul/ I couldn’t believe it because you hurt me before/ Oh I would give anything to return to my home, your heart, your soul/ I can’t sleep sometimes because I/ I am taunted by your letters and I read them and baby I can’t get it together/ and I write you now so humbly/ but you won’t really hear me/ because I stood still and watched you pass ME by.But I always find a way to keep you right here waiting…I closed my eyes to your love because I knew it was a dream/ betrayed by my own fear, it is eating me/ you are so unmerciful now as the tears fall from my eyes/ you don’t care and now someone else is there where I should be/ I never saw myself as a fighter /but overwhelming is the desire/ I don’t want to stand in the way of someone else’s happiness but I know how deeply I tire/ I refuse to hurt and wonder just how much more love your giving her than me/ I can leave only after I have said my peace/ here it is…U WILL ALWAYS BE MINE/ In every space in time/ This love transcends earth b/c it is divine/Every happy moment, Every pain I will be there with you/ Even if not in bodily frame/ You belong to me/ Your lips unconsciously mumble my name/ with out me you will never be the same/ confusion will capture your brain/ I don’t care what girl you see/ Her devotion to you will not compete with me/ it’s me who really loves you/ this is where you should be/ Their lies of love do not believe/ with out you my heart is as empty as the sea/ U belong to Me…. All courtesy of Ebony at eb2@umbc.edu. Now is it me, or does it sound like this bitch might have a problem with me and his relationship? So I called him and told him it was all or nothing, he either had to get rid of her by 6 PM yesterday, or things were going to get real bad between us. He went on into his spiel about how that's his only real friend,(he should have thought about that before he fucked her), he doesn't understand why I don't like her, (take a fucking guess why I don't like her), I have a whole lot of friends that I can turn to while he only has 1 or 2, (Yep, and I manage not to fuck any of mine), and how he doesn't know how to just cut his best friend off without being disrespectful, (Well, I do, and I damn sure offered to do it for his ass-he turned down my offer.)So I decided to bargain with him. I have a friend who've I've had around for like 9 years, whom my boyfriend can't stand. So I said, "if you get to keep Ebony, I get to keep my friend." He had a conniption! Talking about, "he still likes you!" (Yes, and Ebony just hates your guts.) "He tried to kiss you the minute we broke up last year!" (At least he waited until we were BROKE UP though, Ebony was anxious.) And best of all, "Ya'll used to mess with each other!" (yes, but that was back in 2001, and more importantly, we've never fucked.) So of course he turned my offer down. But I'm persistent and I told him we could either do it that way, where we're both uncomfortable or he could make Ebony his new girl. He was stuck.....so I did the honorable thing.....I told him to keep Ebony. He said "no, thank you." And I said "no, keep her" over and over again, until he offered this analogy:"When you tell me I can have things my way, it's like a record company giving an artist an advance and a contract-it always comes with a dick up the ass."Needless to say, he has a valid point. Does he really think that he will keep Ebony and not pay for that? He's got to be kidding. Either way, we came to an agreement. He's gonna keep Ebony for now, but I won't keep my friend, (at least not to his knowledge.) But however, there is a fair loophole-he said he didn't want me to keep my friend from 2001. He didn't say a damn thing about my other male friends, or male friends that I may make in the future.....I told his ass he wasn't smarter than me. And besides he should know best of all, I'm a spoiled ass brat. Whatever I want, I will get, and I WILL get it MY WAY!!I tell, you all this shit is enough to give a bitch a nervous breakdown....just maybe not today.

On The Verge of An Explosion

So, on goes the drama.......Yesterday, i found out that my boyfriend's ex is claiming that she is pregnant by him again. This is some serious Deja vu. I almost laughed, the situation was so pathetic. First things first, is it me, or does it seem like long after the supposed "fact", she always turns up pregnant? Secondly, she was bold enough to post a supposed picture of a sonogram up. (I've been pregnant enough times to know what a genuine sonogram looks like, and hers was the first one i've ever seen with her name, date and time printed in the upper left corner.) On top of that, it was fairly obvious that the personal info was added in afterwards, among some other things. But i decided that this was a slick maneuver for me to get to the truth behind some shit. My boyfriend claims that besides his best friend, (i'll get into this bullshit later), he has not slept with anyone besides me since July. So i called him and told him that his ex girl was pregnant, that she's claiming it it his, and that if there was a slight possibility that it was his, that he had better let me know then, because once i found out later on, I would be leaving his trifling ass. Needless to say, he got all upset and swore me up and down that it wasn't his. Honestly, if she really is pregnant, which for various reasons, i sincerely doubt, i wouldn't give a fuck no way. I ain't gotta push it out, and I damn sure ain't gotta kick out no cash towards it. That can be their little lifetime full of struggles and child support court, I've got a much bigger picture in my head. However, if by some "supposed" miracle in heaven, she is pregnant, and it is his baby, then that's what the fuck he get for backtracking like a dumbass, and thats what the fuck she get for backtracking and not using birth control like a dumbass. Hell, he asked me to come off my birth control and have his kid last night, and i gave him just the answer that he deserved.....complete silence and the "You must be out your muthafucking mind!" look. My point was well taken.Furthermore...I find it quite interesting that today, two days after she posted up that look-a-like sonogram and her pregnant announcement, she erased the entry from her page. What's up with that? Did she change her mind? I got the feeling that maybe she's not really pregnant and that he may have called and alerted has as to the sheer craziness of that stunt. I thought I was scandalous, but damn! What can I say, we've all done it at one time or another, so I ain't too mad at her. But I do think that she's too old for that shit. But hey...whatever-the-fuck-ever.