Boundaries and Limitations...

I think I've finally reached my limits on my relationship with Olander Brandon Jackson. I love the boy, but damn, how much can a bitch take? It hit me early this morning, that hey, I don't think I'ma be able to do it. After all the shit he's puts me through, and all the shit I LET him put me through, it's almost the end of year 2, and we're still on the same bullshit-ass merry-go-round of drama. We had a long argument yesterday, where he told me that he doesn't feel close to me anymore, and he feels like I'm distancing myself away from him. He's right, I am. But usually, I would've at least acted concerned about the situation. I'm so tired of the bullshit now that the only response I could muster up was, "So, what you want me to do about it?" And that's when I knew, that I had reached my damn limit. I need normalcy. Nothing about our relationship has resembled normalcy from the jump. The only time that i had a tiny portion of stasis was during our first year when I was able to self-delude myself enough to not really let all the bullshit surrounding us, morely, HIM, bother me. But since the cat's been out of the bag last July, I can't even pretend no more. It's not NORMAL to have your boyfriend cheat on you with 6 different girls during the first year of your relationship. It's not NORMAL to have two of those girls end up pregnant. It's not NORMAL for your boyfriend to go and sleep with 2 girls during a 1 month break-up. It's not NORMAL to have to deal with one of those girls being his best friend that he wants to keep around. It's not NORMAL to be sitting around wondering what one of the chix that he slept with during that month is doing about her pregnancy, that she claims is by him. None of this shit is supposed to happen in a NORMAL relationship. And although, I have gotten to the point where I'm like, "Fuck it, it's not my baby, I ain't worrying about it." I really DON'T do BABY-MAMAS. I don't see myself marrying, or carrying on a long-term relationship with anybody who has other children, and definitely with anybody who conceived other children while we were together. I can't do it. And if the shit does happen to go down like that, I can see me being really fucking annoyed. And as I told him, if I find out it's his, (after he's promised me that it isn't and he can't be), I WILL KILL HIS ASS! And the sad part is, I sincerely do mean it. You know how you know when you've reached your limit with somebody? When you are so stressed out by them, their bullshit, and its presence in your life. that you realize that if they were to die tomorrow, the first emotion you would feel is RELIEF. That's not a good thing. But seriously, sometimes I sincerely wish that he would kick the bucket sometimes just so I wouldn't have to deal with him no more, and at least I could hold a semi-decent representation of how our relationship ended. One day last week when we were fussing about his past coming back to bite him in his ass now, he asked me..."Well, what do you want to do about it? Put a gun to my head and kill myself?"My reply was..."YES." And it's sad to say, but I knew when I said it that i meant it. And a relationship where one of the people feels that way is pretty much dead already. Aisha and Brandon's Merry-Go-Round has officially reached it's last circle. And I'm tired of lying about it so that I don't have to answer any questions. I'm tired, frustrated, out of energy, out of love, and out of determination. It's time to let go before things get so bad that neither one of us can turn back from the outcome. Vivian Green, "Gotta Go,Gotta Leave"Couldn’t have given you more. I tried to love you like you loved me. Maybe for wrong reasons....maybe. At first it was beautiful. Every girl has a fairytale. But then you wake up and see it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. It turned into screaming days and solo nights. Just wasn’t right (yeah...) I didn’t really wanna see you, was happy when you were leaving yeah... I liked how it felt when I was by myself. And that’s the way I wanna be, So please, don’t beg and plead, Just let it be. Just let it be... [Chorus]I gotta go. I gotta leave. So please don’t make it hard for me. I’ve gave enough, I’m tired of love, I gotta let it go... [2x]Couldn’t have given you more, Gave you everything. There wasn’t anything that you were denied (yeah). But you should never give it all... ‘cause sometimes there’s nothing left but bitterness and regret, and it just ain’t worth it. ‘Cause then there’s the sudden change Out of nowhere, it seems. Never know I could be so mean, But that’s just how far you pushed me (yeah). You say it just isn’t fair and you didn’t know. You need to take responsibility for your own, ‘cause you’re grown. And you known (yeah) [Chorus]I gotta go. I gotta leave. So please don’t make it hard for me. I’ve gave enough, I’m tired of love, I gotta let it go... [2x]Now I take the blame for trying to stay and work it out. Shoulda left before it got complicated, Shoulda left when there was still some happiness. Yes I take the blame for having faith in the relationship. I thought it made me complete, but the truth is, I’m complete without it. Yeah-eah(Gotta Let Go-ooo-ooo-oo)[Chorus]I gotta go. I gotta leave. So please don’t make it hard for me. I’ve gave enough, I’m tired of love, I gotta let it go... [2x]